RedEyeDiary vol. 1

'Hard Knock Life'


'Life get 1 balance wey make am be life; sometimes e de sweet, while some other times e de pain like cut from razor blade'


At a time piss-off de dictate my thoughts, at this point matters de excess, issues much and mind de pace. Everywhere hot, especially for this joint; issues de conflict and I de stare life for face.


At all at all na winch, but na person last option. So even if na pinch of salt, or half cup of beer, no give up the struggle. Invent options.


Hustle mathematics no de add up right, Aka gum, Aka glue even maga hand don tight. Hardly a case of missing cash from trouser cos all jeans don slim, you can feel even boxer.


Outside name and side, CALI, P.H, ABJ, K.D, and LASGIDI all na jungle. Patience good, but still make plans to burgle just in case the hustle puzzle no subtle.


I be Pikin, I be Pikin, I relied on parental immunity, now I'm a man, and fully in the street I feel insecurity. as an adult, my attachment with Family has disappeared, severe fear of failure just reappeared.


And as this clock de tick, thoughts de increase. Victory and defeat de take centre stage for this debate. On a per second billing tariff plan, majority of HOPES de decrease.

Well Some fridays 'tgif' went up, though I no see club fence from distance; but since I'm trendy, and young, and since na the trend, and na my PM, I'll be hopeful, na part of my existence.


In this hardKnockLife movie, your ambition na Actor, real life na boss. Your hommies and your shawty na supporting strikers; Federal Govt. Mount 'defense' #Naija's perfect Nollywood film.


The truth of the matter be say things don change, all man for himself, na perfect reality image. Hustle smart and let crap pass sewage.


Events are tough no doubt; but pop yo collar Bro. Victory is what we about.


Thank You.


@pokesville

CirCle OF LIfe

The World agrees 'you don't tell a woman you love her, you gotta PROVE it' ok cool.

I love to talk, I really do. In fact all the time am talking; Problem is talk is cheap, and without cash in hand, talking is synonymous to blowing hot air. Well I started writing lately, and that too is a problem because if you need to hide something from a black being, whether male or female, just put it in writing.

Consequently love written is love hidden. You are a Nigerian female means you'll probably not read any love text I Write. Most hurtful is when eventually the message is delivered and you don't reply; or when you are merciful its after 30mins; that part kills the moment and reduces the adrenaline. What then an option is left when all channels to express positive sincere interior has its own destructive issue bothering on overt play of affection. What then should THEwriter do, and how should He express love to you? The Whites don't dwell in Long-Tin, just tidy rose-flowers and candle light, and soft wine, and light music etc. But here the mentality is 'chairman do something'

Does it mean THEwriter cannot love and have who He prefers just because Family, precisely her Mom, and unmarried Aunts and angry Siblings have placed a high price on her, and also ensure she gave into 'Jeep' owner. Then I lose the love I cherish, because of lack of finance and wait for a smally that will be ripe when my salary would have risen and is mature. Pitiful.

That's most probably why there are countless cases of spouses having their ex-hearts in other homes. Husbands thinking of other wives, and in turn wives angry another girl is enjoying her labor with her then 'un-ready' boyfriend based on those 1st love maps. I guess that's our circle of life. You train your girlfriend for another man, and one young boy is grooming yours.

However, a few exist that defy this uncivilized mind frame and marry their hubby and disrespect pressure for all sects; Even cash. THEwriter duly respects your courage.

But since Soft-writing is what THEwriter does, he'll still write; I'll allow history and record testify I excommunicated my interior; that I told my intention-You; that I stated my fear-You; and I revealed my strength-You. That I told you to hold on say e go beta. Please wait for me.*winks*

Thank You

@ndubuisimonchie

LOve & LOst

Its donkey years after the 'great separation', the dust has settled, the specs on my shoe I have wiped off, life continued but still I see you by my side. I still hear the sound of your laughter, and truth is, the sound is always so close and real it makes me turn around to look even though you are far away. Well its either my nose or am going mental but Your cologne still rests on my shirts, I feel it everyday.

Its been so long ago but it seems like yesterday I last saw you. You are an alternator that keeps my memory's battery charged, that's why I can't forget.

It was your birthday that day and you wore a yellow dress; never seen a dress so beautiful; I felt in charge, I felt whole... I knew them other boys wished you were their control. It was your day, but your selfless self ensured you channeled all the affection and attention to me. That was fresh.

It was early Saturday morning in Asaba, and a lot of brothers came out to train, with just 1 Lady, my Lady. Still love the recording, because you captured your boy playing good commendable soccer. I remember those guys telling me to hold you strong. I wouldn't forget that.

Can't forget how you always picked me up when the floor was my place, encouraging, and supporting a young hustler. And also, how we did Bonnie & Clyde through the city via Haya2's car.
Whenever you called you were on your way, my mind was gallant because it was certain you'll dress to kill.
I never fear you will GBAGAUN in public because your intellect matched out with your physical.

Baby can't forget how you stay up late waiting for your naughty Boo to return from late night partying; best part is the food is still warm 4 hours after I swore and said I was truly on my way.

I knew all these and more good about you, but OmoBoy just wouldn't disclose these facts to you because it will enter your head, and it entails you'll start Shakara when it begins to Shak you; That's why I can't reveal your true worth.

I Just took time out to tell you I appreciate you, I truly love you, and I miss you like mad. Your room in my heart will never be re-occupied.
I wish you didn't have to go, Shame on you death, all you did is delay, not deny. Baby I've never let any November 2nd pass without remembering and praying for you.

But however, Just keep a space for me in Heaven. I love you.

Thank You

@pokesville

MEchaNIcaL

tis tis tis -----»» blueFlame
IiSssss -----»» Uuuuuuu

That mental frame that is indescribable; that state where you are in another Zone. That moment you are trying to balance sanity. So Flown vision is Blurry... A lot of sounds and voices, but no message.
The head isn't comprehending; wrong transmission from eyes to brain. Crazy interpretation from brain to rest of body. Unsure about location, and faces around seem totally strange. Floating in and out of consciousness.

You are definitely having a good time. Worries have been shifted till after the duration of the effect.

There is utter discomfort and mental confusion when there is no means to tidy, when there is no sponsor, and finally there is always a desire and passion to remain in this state.

High as a MOFO
#Kush/542/Harp.

grOWInG uP

Growing up I had it so soft, tender and basically everything was at my disposal, it couldn't seem any better. My friends were equally comfortable, so it made for a picture perfect scenario, where all soft-like 'very' young minds just sit together to reason animation and satisfy 'confectionery' desire; no alcohol allowed at the time. All I needed to do was 'wake' every other thing was be taken care of. 'Don't bother son, we planned today since' all that care and pamper allowed for a conscience driven approach towards life, as the orientation was tender. Parents ensuring our needs are sponsored from academics, to attires, to financing trips. Ensuring all our worries are absorbed and discarded.


That's what threaded in our genes. That's the platform our mentality was built upon, that's why we're almost always totally dependent on them(parents) Some inter wove so fiercely that at 30+years old they still say 'my mummy' Its not our fault we're this grown and we still need mummy and daddy; well Mummy mostly, but That doesn't mean we are not as smart as can be, or that they cannot put in work where necessary. Its just this way because the system we found ourselves allowed that our parents took absolute care of us and never allowed us lean on any one else. So when the parental security is lifted it takes a lot of mental hard work to balance life independently. That's the stage THEwriter is in now, attempting to wear the Man's trouser and take up Manly responsibilities.

Growing up was fun also because there was room for everything, and the sweetest part is THEwriter wasn't responsible for his own misdeeds, or inaction, and watching me and my sibs grow up the in way and manner or God and morality, fused with 'street orientation' is worth the memory THEwriter preserved in his 'redEyeDiary' No lie, i enjoyed growing up as a child, playing in the Streets of Area 2, going up and down the stair case with total disrespect for energy was fun.

I miss growing up, and been Young.

Thank You.

@pokesville

comPLEX

What's the idea, concept or point telling somebody you love him, you'll care for him, hold him highest over and above all in his face, and then go behind his back to say you don't send him, and that the guy is just all over you. With your friends around you can't say you love him, you can't say anything good of him, you'll be lying he just wouldn't let you breath, when the real signal you give him is sure GreenLight. Do you really truly love and care for somebody you are ashamed of before your rather 'unfine' friends? Well feeling inferior before peers because of spouse is understandable; I mean if my Girl isn't up-to-date with the basic dictates and requirements set by modernization then I have a right to feel uncomfortable. Its a Right I have. But the truth is why not just reveal? Tell your spouse you admit you Love that 'baby am sorry but we can't go together, save for, if you'll stay in the car because you don't have that charisma of my Man' or you can say 'sugar-pie when we arrive don't speak to anybody, especially my Father, so you don't Fall my hand' that'll be better as the other person involved will accept his/her Fate. But if you refuse Sir, she'll continue to feel needed and respected. No wonder your friends treat her like puke, nothing she does or says amuses them. That's traceable to the manner you have placed her before others. Fool, you don't know people will address your spouse the way you regard and present them?

That's why he has become your 'father's driver' instead of your father. WoW!!! Picture a scene he realizes he is 'father's driver' instead of father. Now your own very own Kid sis is now a niece because of illegal Attire, and history has it that the dress that relegated her to niece was worn by you; then as legs and chest grew longer and bigger you were force to release it to her. Now she is your Aunts daughter just till your Friends leave.

Your hustling Brother has become a cousin, what is wrong with your Bro remaining your Bro? Where have you placed yourself? LoL, most hurtful is THEwriter is 'just my guy' because commissioner's son is around. I thought we could be perceived as a couple.

You are damn right I'll start a new life independent of you when I know you see terribly less of me. Truth is we weren't designed for each other. Our futures simply collided, then Lies and Love brought us this far. Yeah you lie to me they are jealous of our union, you tell them am just been managed.

THEwriter believes 'that which cannot be said is that which one is afraid of'

Boo you are simply perfect for me, and trust a brother, am cool with you too. But if am below your expectation then you can kindly face gutter.

Thank You

@pokesville

tRUth HURts

'I love u, and I'll always be with you' I always said, I meant it too, I meant it anytime and all the times I said it. But that's because the concept am referring to, and always referred to is inside you. It dwells in you, piloting your affairs, ensuring you physically act, and verbally pronounce words of zenith importance to me. Because the 'concept' put together events that have caused 'living' memories in the mind of THEwriter. That 'concept' my dear, THEwriter addressed twice above is your Attitude, your character, your words, your approach towards God, your sweet self.

Subsequently, if the aforementioned concept which initially allowed my humble self to direct sweet words, passionate touch and affection to you ceases to exist further in your person, then, that leaves THEwriter with no choice but to detach. Period!!!


I mean how can I fall in love with a Queen and b**tch ends up Irma Grese. I ain't gonna say 'oh love! Why did thou deceive and mislead me?' Naah, I don't play like that. THEwriter means how can He fall in love with you because you carry Him to church, and you pray and stuff; because truth is, a brother needs a praying girl to fight some 'mid-nightFlyingMatters' and then after a few weeks, am the one dragging you to church. Hell no!!!

Before I gave you consent it was all sweet words, telling me why I need you over and above the other Guys; telling me how I'll mean everything to you; now am stuck in your house, addressed as your wife, and you make me realize every passing second I traded my life's joy for your ring. I'd have been better off elsewhere. You used to be this friend that loved me and accepted my way of Life, and epitomized peace, then you transform into a FieryFlamingFurnace emitting heat and discomfort. AM GONE!!!


Truth hurts, but i will slowly transfer everything previously accorded to you to the female who has seen a better reason to be loved. You don't have to change.
You were chosen for a reason, you disappoint me when you stop been the person I fell in-love with. You'll just end up been somebody I used to know.

'Your everything Lies in your Hand, whether Gift or Slap'

Thank You

@pcogitatio